Pizza Delivery
by CrypticGirl
Summary: A new pizza delivery service arrives on the Legacy, and everyone is eager to try it, including Senel's group and the Terrors. But what happens when the orders get mixed up? Concluded 05.27.07.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: ToL and its characters and settings are the property of Namco.

Chapter 1

It was a busy day for Senel's group in Werites Beacon. They had gathered at Will's house for some housework and yardwork. The girls were doing the housework indoors, while the boys were outside. Will was scrubbing the deck with his deck brush when he was approached by a man with brown khaki pants and a red jacket.

"Good morning, sir. My name is Mike, and I'm here to tell you about our services.

Will raised an eye. "Services?"

"That's right. You see, we've just arrived on the Legacy to operate our business here in Werites Beacon."

"And what business might that be?"

"We specialize in pizza delivery and acupuncture."

"Acupuncture?

-----------

Moses and Jay were raking leaves in the side yard.

"Hey Jay, come here!" Moses called.

Jay dropped his rake and went over to where the bandit was standing. "What is it?"

"I was just lookin' at that weed down there."

"Okay, and?"

"I was thinkin' that yer ponytail would make a good weed whacker."

Jay looked annoyed. "The stupid ideas just keep on coming, do they not?"

"Oh, whatever. Come here."

Moses quickly grabbed Jay by the ankles and held him upside down.

"Moses, cut it out!" Jay cried.

"Nah-h, I ain't cuttin' it out; that's your job!" Moses said. "So use yer ponytail and start cuttin'!"

"Moses!"

"Hey, did somebody say 'pizza'?" Moses suddenly released Jay's ankles, letting him drop on his head, then ran to the front yard.

"You..." Jay stood up, holding his head, then followed the bandit into the front yard, where Will was talking to Mike.

"Yes, it all sounds very intriguing," Will said.

"Would you like to place an order?" Mike asked.

"Hmm..."

"C'mon Will, let's get a pizza!" Moses whined. "I'm starvin'!"

Jay held his stomach. "I have a craving as well."

"Hmm...I guess I'll have to ask the others," Will said. "Senel!"

Senel emerged from the opposite side yard. "What is it, Will?"

"Let's take a break. Mike here is offering to deliver us some pizza."

Senel's face lit up. "Sounds good."

"Let's go inside so we can decide what to order."

The boys went into the house, where the girls worked feverishly on their chores.

"All right everyone, we have a guest," Will announced. "This is Mike, from the new pizza delivery service on the Legacy. I thought we'd all order a pizza for lunch."

"Oh boy!" Norma called excitedly. "Pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza!"

"That sounds like a good idea," Shirley said.

"I am a little hungry," Chloe admitted.

"Oh my, pizza is yummy," Grune said.

"What kind are we going to get?" Senel asked.

"I want cheese on mine!" Norma declared.

"Let's go for the hot stuff!" Moses said. "Pepperoni!"

"How about anchovies?" Senel asked.

"Eeuw, anchovies are gross!" Norma cried.

"All right, let's just stick with cheese and pepperoni," Will said. "Is that all right?"

"Yes," the others responded.

Will turned to Mike. "All right, we'll take one pizza with cheese and pepperoni, please."

"Cheese and pepperoni..." Mike wrote it down on his memo pad. "And what was your name?"

"I'm Will Raynard."

"All right, Mr. Raynard. I'll have your pizza delivered in about an hour. Thank you."

As Mike left the house, the group rubbed their hands together, anticipating their freshly delivered pizza.

"So what should we do while we're waiting?" Senel asked.

"I think I'll go try the new acupuncture service," Will said. "Harriet, would you accompany me?"

"Sure, Dad," Harriet said.

Will and Harriet left the house as well.

"Acupuncture?" Moses asked. "Jay, we should try that ourselves."

"And what do I need acupuncture on?" Jay asked.

"How 'bout your brain?"

Jay looked annoyed. "I really don't think so."

"Oh, come on!" Grabbing Jay by the wrist, Moses pulled him off the sofa.

"Ugh...Moses!" Jay protested, before Moses clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Go get him, Red!" Norma called.

Moses dragged Jay upstairs into Will's room and shoved him roughly onto the bed.

"Moses, what the hell are you doing!?" Jay snapped.

"Relax; I'm gonna do some acupuncture on ya." Moses began digging through Will's drawers. "I know Will keeps his needles in here somewhere..."

Jay quietly stood up and began to sneak out while Moses was still searching.

"Hey! Get yer cute butt back here!" Moses grabbed Jay by the collar and threw him back onto the bed.

After digging through the drawers some more, Moses found a box of needles and approached the bed. "All right, Jay, take off yer jacket."

Jay's eyes widened as he folded his arms over his torso. "N...no!"

"Jay, don't make me get rough on you..."

Moses pressed Jay back onto the bed, slipping his jacket up his body and then slipping it off completely. He then turned Jay onto his belly and sat on his back.

"Moses...get off me!" Jay groaned.

"Relax, Jay, or you'll make it hurt!"

"Are you sure you know what you're doing!?" Jay asked in a panic.

"Ya don't live in the wild without learnin' a few tricks."

Holding a needle between his fingers, Moses carefully tapped it into Jay's back.

"Ugh..." Jay gasped. "Ouch..."

"Relax, Jay," Moses insisted.

Jay tried to relax, but his muscles kept tensing up for the next needle. Moses pulled another needle, stretching out the skin on Jay's back. Then Moses stuck the needle into Jay's back, tapping it gently.

Jay gasped at the pricking pain again. "Ugh...Moses..."

---------------

Meanwhile, Norma took a walk outside. She walked by the different shops when she spotted a disturbing sight. In front of the bridge, the pizza man was talking to none other than...Solon. Norma stopped a good distance away, trying to hear the conversation.

"All right, sir, I'll get it to you in about an hour," Mike said

Solon grinned. "I'm looking forward to it."

Mike turned and ran down the side road out of Norma's sight.

"Hey, So-So!"

"Hmm?" Solon turned to face Norma as she confronted him, waving her arm at him.

"What do you think you're doing!?" she yelled. "Are you in cahoots with the pizza man!?"

Solon shrugged. "Relax, lady. I just ordered a pizza is all."

Norma's face soured. "Uh-huh. Yeah, a likely story. What didja put on it? Blood? Brains? Intestines?"

"Ah hah hah!" Solon threw his head back, laughing. "Very amusing. Perhaps I'll try it next time...with your blood, brains, and intestines on my pizza!"

"Ack!" Norma staggered back.

"Ah hah hah!" Solon laughed again as he left the city, taking the duct outside.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Will and Harriet stepped into the new parlor, where a brunette woman with a red apron greeted them.

"Good day, sir. My name is Michelle. Are you here for the acupuncture?"

"Yes. I'm Will Raynard."

"Will Raynard? So you're the sheriff of this town. I've heard so much about you."

Will let out a sigh. "Actually, I'm more of a natural historian. I don't know why they keep calling me a sheriff."

Michelle smiled. "So, who should I work on first?"

"Hmm, let's start with Harriet."

Harriet shook her head. "No way! Dad needs it more!"

"Okay, Mr. Raynard."

Will pulled off his glasses and handed them to Harriet. He then pulled off his orange shirt, revealing his muscular upper body. Harriet's eyes widened as her face turned five different shades of red.

"Dad...what do you think you're doing!?"

"Relax, Harriet. It's only necessary for the acupuncture," Will told her.

"You beast! You pervert! You devil!" Harriet turned and fled from the parlor.

"No, Harriet!" Will cried.

"I'm sure she'll be all right," Michelle said. "Let's get started, shall we?"

Will sighed. "I guess..."

He climbed onto the table, resting his face in the cushioned hole. Michelle pulled out her first needle and gently tapped it into Will's skin.

"Ah, right there," Will said. "There, you hit it..."

"Are people not treating you right?" Michelle asked. "What are they doing to you out there?"

"The group that I work with...they drive me crazy."

"And you're not driving them crazy?"

"Oh no...I'm too nice and sweet. But those people drive me nuts. They don't listen to me, they don't like me, they're mean to me. They're getting back at me for all the bonks I gave them. But I would get an ulcer in a day if I let them roam free..."

"Sounds like old age is getting to you."

"Oh please...I'm only twenty-eight..."

--------------------

Norma had returned to Will's house, where the group was still waiting for the pizza to be delivered.

"You saw Solon talking with the pizza guy?" Senel asked.

"That's right," Norma said. "He said he was just ordering a pizza, but I didn't believe him."

Moses shrugged. "Well, I guess even bad guys gotta eat."

"I don't see any reason to worry if he's just getting a pizza," Senel said.

The conversation came to a screeching halt when Harriet stormed into the house. Without a word, she marched upstairs into the bedroom, slamming the door.

"Uh-oh, Will messed up," Senel remarked.

Everyone planted their feet on the floor and grabbed onto their seats. Suddenly, the entire house began to shake violently.

"I wonder what happened with Raynard this time?" Chloe asked.

"Just the typical father-daughter squabbles, I'll bet," Norma said.

Moses clung onto Jay. "Somebody better do somethin' before she brings the whole house down!"

"I'll...I'll go talk to her..." Shirley stood up precariously. "Whoa..."

"Be careful, Shirley," Senel warned.

Shirley carefully made her way across the room with uneven steps as the house continued to rumble. As she lost her balance, she fell forward, grabbing the railing of the stairs. She picked herself up, climbing up the stairs, using the rail as support. When she reached the top, she stumbled over to Harriet's room.

"Hattie?" she called out timidly.

The earthquake stopped, and Shirley let out a relieved sigh.

"Are you all right in there?"

"No! I've been violated!" Harriet cried from within.

"Um...may I come in?"

"Oh...all right."

Harriet unlocked her door, and Shirley quietly entered the room.

---------------

"Okay, Mr. Raynard, that should do it."

Will climbed off the acupuncture table and put his shirt back on. However, there was one important piece missing.

"Oh great...Harriet ran off with my glasses."

"Well, that'll be 2000 gald."

"All right..." Will paid the gald to Michelle. "Thank you."

"And thank you, Mr. Raynard," Michelle said. "Come again."

Will left the parlor and looked around with his blurry vision.

"Let's see, I know I can get home from here. I know the directions..."

He walked down the road, searching for the way home.

-----------------

Mike nervously made his way to the top of the Legacy's bridge, carrying a fresh hot pizza in its cardboard case.

"I hope this is the right place," he said to himself. "I can't imagine anyone living here."

When he arrived at the control room, the doors slid open. Solon was in the center of the room, practicing his sword techniques, but stopped abruptly upon Mike's entry.

"Yes!?" Solon roared.

Mike carefully approached him. "Um...p-pardon me, sir...I've brought the pizza that you ordered."

"Oh, yes." Solon dropped his sword and took the pizza.

Vaclav, Melanie, and Cashel raised an eye.

"Solon, what is this about?" Vaclav asked.

"Oh, I was simply in the mood for a pizza, Commander," Solon replied.

He pulled out a small sack and handed it to Mike.

"Th-thank you, sir..." Mike began to leave, but stopped upon examining the contents of the sack. "Excuse me, this is only 300 gald. The price is 500 gald."

"Take it and go...while you still can."

Mike gulped. "Y-Yes sir..."

He quickly left the bridge, letting out a sigh of relief.

"Man, those guys are creepy," he told himself. "I hope I never have to deliver to them again..."

Solon sat on the floor with his pizza. "Would anyone like to join me?"

"Sure, why not?" Melanie said.

"Who doesn't like pizza?" Cashel asked.

"I suppose it couldn't hurt," Vaclav said.

Solon slowly opened the box and looked at the pizza inside. "What!?"

Cashel rubbed his hands together. "Pepperoni and cheese. How appetizing."

"Grrr!" Solon stood up and slammed the box shut. "This is not the pizza that I ordered!"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The group sat in the living room silently, quite relieved that Harriet's tantrum had stopped. However, they were getting very eager for their pizza.

Will arrived home, entering the house and looking around blindly.

"Is this my house?" he asked.

Everyone raised an eye, as they never expected to hear such a silly question from Will.

"Yes, Will, this is your house," Senel said.

"Senel...it's good to hear your voice." Will wandered into the kitchen, searching through the shelves and the countertop.

"Huh??" Senel asked, thoroughly confused.

"What's wrong?" Chloe asked.

"He's not wearing his glasses," Jay pointed out.

"I know I have a spare set somewhere..." Will walked across the room, searching the bathroom, but with no luck. "Maybe I left them in the bedroom..."

He went upstairs to his room, and Senel followed. Will searched all of the shelves and drawers, but still found nothing.

"Bah...son of a bitch..." he grumbled as he stood up.

"How'd you lose your glasses?" Senel asked.

"The acupuncture required me to remove my shirt. Harriet got offended and ran off with my glasses."

"Oh, so that's what happened. You need to go talk to her. Shirley's talking to her now, but she really needs you."

Will sighed. "Well, I'll have to get my glasses back from her somehow, since I can't find my other set..."

He left the bedroom, going next door to Harriet's room. Knocking gently on the door, he opened it and stepped inside. Harriet and Shirley were sitting together on the bed.

"Hello, Will," Shirley said. "I guess I'd better leave you two alone now."

She stood up and quietly left the room. Harriet stared at Will, ready to take off at any moment.

"Harriet? There's no need to be so defensive," Will said. "Why don't you talk to me?"

"That depends," Harriet told him. "You won't go ripping the shirt from your...well-toned body, will you?"

"That was just a misunderstanding. It was required for the acupuncture procedure. Surely you know that."

"I know that! I know! But...seeing you naked like that..."

"Naked? But it was only my shirt..."

"A shirt is a very big deal! Honestly, how could you be so insensitive!?"

Will sighed. "Harriet, I...I apologize if I've offended your sensibilities in removing my shirt."

"Hmm..." Harriet glared at him for a moment. "Well, I suppose I can forgive you this time. But from now on, you'd better watch yourself."

Will smiled. "All right. Now, may I have my glasses back, please?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, I forgot that I had your glasses. Here you go, Dad."

Will put his glasses back on. "Ah, it feels good to see again. Now let's get back downstairs. Our pizza should be arriving shortly."

"Okay!" Harriet jumped out of bed and followed Will downstairs.

--------------

Mike returned to the parlor to pick up the next pizza to be delivered. Michelle handed him the next pizza.

"All right, Mike. This pizza is supposed to go to the bridge of the Legacy."

Mike paused. "Wait, I just delivered there!"

"Are you sure? Because this pizza is set to deliver to a man named...Solon."

"Um..." Mike was confused.

"Did you have any other orders?"

"Well, the other one..." Mike came to a realization.

"You delivered the wrong pizza to the bridge?" Michelle asked.

"Indeed I did. The pizza I delivered to the bridge was meant for Will Raynard."

"So you'll have to go back and trade pizzas with that Solon guy."

"Oh no, I'm not going back there. That Solon guy is insane! He already ripped me off by 200 gald, and he was ready to slice me in half with his sword!"

"Well, you can try taking this pizza to Mr. Raynard."

"All right, I'll do that..."

---------------

Meanwhile, Will and Harriet had joined the others in waiting for the pizza. When they finally heard the knock, Will went up to answer it.

"Mr. Raynard, I'm afraid there's been a mistake," Mike said. "I accidentally delivered your pizza to the wrong person, so I brought you their pizza. I'm terribly sorry."

Will took the pizza reluctantly. "I see...how much do I owe you?"

"Well, since we made the mistake, that pizza will be free of charge."

"All right, thank you."

"I'm sorry again. I hope you enjoy the pizza regardless." Mike turned and began to leave.

Will closed the door and set the pizza down in the center of the table. "Well, you all heard what he said. It looks like we'll be having a different pizza."

Senel shrugged. "It couldn't hurt, I suppose..."

Will slowly opened the cardboard box to reveal the pizza. The cheese was burned to a crisp brown color, and anchovies were strewn across it with the oil soaking the pizza.

"Oh gross..." Shirley mused as she looked away.

"Who ordered this?" Chloe asked.

"There's no way I'm going to eat that slop," Jay said, disgusted.

"So what do we do?" Moses asked. "I'm starvin', but I ain't eatin' that!"

"Hmm..." Jay closely examined the pizza box, rotating it slowly. He then spotted the label on the side and gasped. "It can't be...this pizza was supposed to be delivered to Solon!"

The group gasped.

"What!?" Norma exclaimed. "You mean, So-So really did order a pizza!?"

"And that must mean that Solon has our pizza," Senel added.

"That's it!" Moses stood up and stomped his foot. "We gotta go to the bridge and get our pizza back!"

"No, there's no need for that," Will said. "We can easily ask Mike to make us another one."

"I have to agree with Will on this one," Jay said. "I'd rather avoid any unnecessary encounters with Vaclav and Solon. Besides, they've probably eaten the pizza already."

"They ate our pizza!?" Moses stomped his foot again. "Then they really need to get whooped! Nobody eats our pizza and gets away with it!"

"Now you're talking, Red!" Norma stood beside the bandit. "Let's get 'em! Charge!!"

The pair quickly ran out the door.

Grune held up her fist. "Charge!" she yelled as she left the house calmly.

The others paused for a moment.

"Well...we can't let them go alone," Senel said. "But we can't stop them either."

Will let out an exasperated sigh. "Which means we have no choice but to go with them. Let's go everyone."

With a sigh of their own, the party left the house and began heading towards the Legacy's bridge.


	4. Epilogue

Epilogue

Jay hated the idea of having an unnecessary encounter with Vaclav and Solon. And for the stupidest of reasons to boot – to retrieve a pizza that had probably already been eaten. And then the whole mission will have been for naught.

Just leave it to the stupid bandit and the hasty treasure hunter to drag him into these hideous situations.

"Come on, come on!" Norma harried the group along. "Time is pizza!"

"You tell 'em, Bubbles!" Moses yelled. "We're gonna pound 'em good!"

"Moses, it's just a pizza," Jay said. "It's not like it's the end of the world."

"Of course it is!" Norma said. "Remember, it's all about the pizza. The whole world revolves around pizza."

The rest of the group sighed as they took the duct to the next floor of the bridge.

-----------------

Solon paced back and forth as the pizza box lay on the floor.

"Are you planning to do anything with that pizza?" Vaclav asked. "Pacing around it isn't going to accomplish anything."

Cashel picked up the box, examining it. "Look at this. This pizza was supposed to be delivered to Will Raynard. His name is labeled on the box."

"That means that Senel's group has your pizza," Melanie added.

"Hmm...they probably wouldn't eat the pizza I ordered," Solon said. "And they probably want their pizza back. This gives me an idea. I can give their pizza back...in exchange for my apprentice."

"Are you serious?" Vaclav asked.

"You must be joking!" Cashel exclaimed. "Do you really expect them to hand over your apprentice for a pizza?"

"They will if they're hungry enough." Solon grinned as he picked up the pizza box. "Now I must head back to Werites Beacon to make my proposal."

But before he could move, the door slid open, and the heroes burst into the room.

"Hey, that's our pizza!" Moses exclaimed.

"Okay, So-So..." Norma said. "Hand it over nice and slow, and we'll give you your pizza back."

"So you were kind enough to bring back my pizza, eh?" Solon asked.

"If you took a single bite out of our pizza, I'm gonna shove my spear up your ass!" Moses declared.

"Let's get 'em!" Norma yelled. "Charge!"

She and Moses raised their weapons, charging at the Terrors.

Solon held up a hand. "Not so fast."

"Uh-oh...Retreat!" Norma cried as she and Moses turned tails and rejoined the group again.

"I'm willing to exchange pizzas," Solon said, "but only if Jay makes the exchange."

"Wh...why me?" Jay asked in a panic.

Solon grinned. "Well, why not?"

"Hey, this is one of yer dirty tricks to get yer dirty hands on Jay!" Moses yelled.

_And all because they dragged us all the way here just for a pizza,_ Jay thought.

"Don't worry, Jay, it'll be quick and painless," Solon went on. "Come now."

"Go ahead, Jay," Senel said. "We've got you covered."

"Yeah, we ain't gonna let that sadistic bastard get his hands on ya!" Moses added.

Jay contained a laugh. "Where'd you learn a big word like 'sadistic,' Moses?"

"Just hurry and get our pizza, shorty!"

"Grr!" Jay growled as he took the pizza from Grune and slowly moved across the room towards Solon.

"That's it..." Solon grinned. "Just a little closer, Jay..."

The rest of the group held their ground with their weapons ready. Jay approached Solon, pausing as he got within reach. He held out the pizza just out of Solon's reach, slowly moving it closer. In a sudden motion, Solon snatched the pizza, shoving the other pizza into Jay's arms. Jay staggered back, gasping.

"All right, ya did it!" Moses yelled. "All right, y'all freaky Terrors! You move, you die!"

Jay slowly backed up, never taking his eyes off Solon. When Jay reached the group, Moses took the pizza and opened the box.

"Look, they didn't eat our pizza!"

"Let's get back to town and eat!" Norma called. "Charge!"

The group turned and left the bridge.

"Commander...we're just going to let them go?" Cashel asked.

"We might as well," Solon said. "Now that we have our pizza, all is well here."

He slowly opened the box, revealing the oil soaked anchovie pizza inside.

"Ah yes..." Solon grinned. "Now _this _is the pizza I ordered."

-------------------

When the group returned to Will's house, they reheated the pizza and gathered around the center table.

"Yahoo! Dinner is served!" Moses announced. "Now lemme show y'all my spear trick!"

"Moses, what the hell are you doing?" Senel asked.

"Only this." Moses tossed the pizza into the air, slicing it up with the arrowhead of his spears. A slice landed in each of the heroes' plates, while the leftover landed back in the box...except for the one slice that landed on top of Jay's head.

"Argh! You stupid bandit!" Jay shouted.

"Heh heh...oops," Moses giggled.

"Wow, great trick, Red!" Norma called. "Let's eat!"

The party members began to eat, slowly biting and savoring their pizza.

"Mmm, this pizza is delicious," Shirley said.

"Not bad for a pizza that ended up in Solon's hands," Senel added.

"I don't believe this..." Jay peeled the pizza from his head and held it out to the side. Giet promptly took the pizza and devoured it.

Jay then picked himself a fresh slice from the box and began to eat. "I can't believe this stupid bandit got pizza on my head..."

Moses sat next to Jay. "Why Jay, you've never been tastier!" he said, picking a pepperoni slice from Jay's head and popping it into his mouth. He then leaned in very close to Jay's face with his goofy grin.

Jay's eyes widened for a moment before he pushed Moses away.

The party took their time, eating their pizza and savoring every bite. When they were finish, they wiped the extra sauce from their faces.

"Whoo! That pizza hit the spot!" Moses yelled. "Now I'm goin' back to camp to brag to the boys!"

Jay glanced at the bandit as he left the house. He waited for a few moments, lost in thought until Norma interrupted him.

"What are you thinking about, JJ?"

"Oh...I'm about to find that bandit and do something seismic to him."

Jay left the house and walked over to the bandits' camp in front of the lighthouse. "Moses!"

Moses emerged from his tent. "What's up, Jay?"

"Do you happen to remember when you got pizza on my head?" Jay asked. "What should I do to you in return?"

"Well..." Moses started, "you can come into the tent with me, and..."

"I don't think so, slick," Jay spat.

"Well...how 'bout I just make it up to ya instead?"

"And how do you plan to make it up to me?"

Jay was too busy staring at Moses to notice the other bandits gathering around him from behind.

Moses grinned. "How 'bout if we get that pizza off ya? Grab him, boys!"

Jay gasped. "Moses, what are you...?"

Without warning, the bandits seized Jay's arms, sweeping his feet and sending him to the ground.

"Argh! Let go of me, you stupid bandits!" Jay screamed.

Moses raised his hand. "Giet!"

Geit walked over to the struggling boy and began licking the pizza sauce from Jay's face and hair. Jay continued to struggle, but he just could not escape the galf's slobbery tongue. Once Jay was licked clean, Giet stepped back, and the bandits released Jay.

"There, yer nice and clean again," Moses grinned. "Now we'll let bygones be bygones, right?"

"You call this clean?" Jay picked himself up, trying to wipe the galf slobber with his hands. "Ugh...I'm gonna go off and shower somewhere."

"Ooh! Can I come, too?"

"No! You've done enough already!" Jay stormed away from the camp.

Moses hung his head. "Aw, Jay...how come ya gotta be so mean?"

"Is everything all right, Moses?" Csaba asked.

Moses turned to him, now grinning. "Oh yeah, I'm cool. What say we order another pizza? This time, that pizza man had better deliver right!"

**THE END**


End file.
